Love on my life, Stan Cat

This entire summer has been hospice with Stan Cat. I have never had to go through the whole life cycle of an animal aside from a fish here or there but they also just shocked me. No signs just on their side in the morning. Then there was the occasional lost turtle, down a heater vent. But our family dog was given away at a garage sale when my mom sold our family home after the divorce. That story is so shocking I just keep it at bay. But this has been so very difficult. My love. My companion of 11 years who moved with me from single Sue in Los Angeles to living with mom in San Mateo for 8 months to married Susan to our only child -- is a deep stab to my soul. I know I am not alone in this but the idea of this animal not being with me everyday is just, I don't know, just shocking.

In March, Stan was diagnosed with Squamous Cell Sarcoma (it took be a long time to get that name out correctly). He started eating food only on the left side of his mouth. The vet said because he was a senior, it could be the need for an extraction. I was told Stan was 1 or 2 when I got him in Santa Monica from the Rescue people. That was 1999 so he is aprx. 11-13 now. Anyway, they found invasive cancer when they did the cleaning of his teeth. Several teeth just fell out due to bone degeneration. I just can't write about this now but wanted to start the process. He was given 1-3 months and we are now in our 6th. The piroxicam and the bup?? (pain med) have probably kept him alive. He hasn't seemed to suffer too much as he always has an appetite (tho now he eats about a tablespoon a day) and he loves to go outside. But, now, we feel guilty as he seems to be crying. Tears wet his blonde fur. Ironically, his blue eyes have never seemed clearer. All I know is that it is time to show our strong love for him and put him down. I just feel so lost. My husband has gone through putting animals down before, I have not. He is still a wreck. So am I. We are considering this weekend and I would love any kind of advice.